Monthly Archives: October 2011

The u.S. government has officially been disbanded


To the citizens of the United States of America
from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen… Elizabeth II:

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’). (I love that one)

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’ ‘ (I love that one too)

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Categories: Economics, Humor and Sarcasm, Politics | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

words of wisdom or words of a fool. it is your choice


Wisdom be not found in the words of
others but in the questioning of one’s own opinions.

———–

 There are wise men and there are fools.
The wise man knows how foolish he be.  The fool will never know.

——————

 You have the right to have your life
determined and you have the right to determine your own life.  It is
your own choice.  Choose wisely but choose for yourself alone.

———-

 Marriage be the one constant of life.
Tis in marriage that man has chosen to seek eternal life.  Tis in the
perversion of marriage that a man seeks only the moment.

———————

 In an imperfect world success is never
guaranteed, only failure is.  For it is only from learning from our
failures that success has the opportunity  to be known.

———————

 If a man is humbled by the fact that he
knows not what is best for himself then where does he get enough
arrogance to believe he he knows what is best for others?

———————-

 Tis the fool who believes that laws are
enacted to protect the innocent from the guilty.  Tis the wise man
that recognizes that laws are enacted to gain power over the guilty
and the innocent.

———————–

 Tis in seeking to control the lives of
others that power is known.  Tis in the seeking to control only
himself that a man knows strength.

—————————–

 To seek to know and understand others
is science. To seek and know yourself is philosophy.

————————

 Tis the wise man who studies life.  Tis
the fool that thinks he knows life so as to teach it to others.

——————

 Be ever wary of being the cause for you
can never know what the effect may be.

———————–

 Absolute truth can never be declared in
explicit statements.  It needs a complimentary implicit statement
also.

——————————-

 Governments cannot act without the use
of force which is why it needs a moral code to abide by.  For only by
abiding by a moral code can justice be found.

—————————–

 If a man seeks freedom from
responsibility he need only to enslave himself unto another.

———————

 It is not the possession of rights that
make men equal.  It is in the acceptance of personal responsibility that
results in equality or inequality.

——————————-

Knowledge is a two-edged sword.
It will lead us down the path of foolishness
or it will lead us down the path of wisdom.

Categories: Ethics and Morality, My Personal Philosophy of Life, Politics | 2 Comments

wisdom every man learns once married


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Wisdom for opinion poll followers


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words of wisdom for every teenager


a h/t to my niece, lea

Categories: Education, Humor and Sarcasm | Tags: , , , | 3 Comments

can anyone answer grandpa’s question?


Grandpa took me to the town hall meeting one night and we sat there listening to the procedings for a time. When it was time for people to stand up and have their say grandpa got in line with the rest. When it was his turn at the podium he looked around to all that was there then he spoke up.

“I have a question for anyone to answer if they can. It is a question on economics. It has always been my understanding that economics was economics and the same rules applied to everyone whether it be government, business, charities, families or individuals.

If my presupposition is correct then why do economists look at the debt of the federal government as a proportion of GNP to determine the financial health of the federal government? I could understand its use if we had a socialistic form economic system but we do not. If someone could logically explain this to me I’d really appreciate it.

To me the only value of its use is to create the perception that the financial health of the government is better than it really is. Businesses cannot use it to determine its financial health nor can any family or individual. So, what is it about government that allows it to use different rules of economics than everybody else? Can someone answer this question for me, please?”

Categories: Economics, Education, Politics, Science | Tags: , , , | 15 Comments

the mind says one thing, the body feels another


a h/t to my friend Ev

Categories: Education, Ethics and Morality, Humor and Sarcasm | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

Risks and the liberal’s solution to them.


“Boy, life is filled with risks. The most important decisions in life are those decisions that holds the greatest of risks. Liberty by the very nature of its concept is the accepting of the responsibility of those risks as they occur. A perfect state of existence would then be viewed as a state of existence without risks.

The problem with people is the fact that they view life in terms of the absolute. And they attempt to deal with the problems in life with this concept as the basis of their reasoning. In other words if the answer to a problem isn’t one thing then it must be another thing. And since the one thing is seen in terms of the absolute then the other thing is also seen in terms of the absolute instead of terms of the relative.

This is recognition of the cause and effect approach to problems. This is the scientific approach to problems. This is the approach that both, Psychology and Sociology uses in the study of human behavior. It is the foundational basis by which practitioners of those disciplines consider each of those disciplines as a science.

This is also the deterministic approach to problems. It is an approach that studies the effect in order to determine the cause. By the study of the effect of human behavior it can be determined whether or not the cause is to be considered as desirable or not. If the cause is not desirable then the solution is to eliminate the cause in expectations of bringing about a desirable effect.

This is also the Liberal’s approach to the domestic problems of this nation. It is the approach that poverty is the cause of violence. Eliminate poverty and you will eliminate violence. In other words, since violence is the inherited risk of poverty then to eliminate poverty is to eliminate the risks of violence thus creating the perfect state of existence. And in their minds this is an achievable goal.

The Liberal also recognizes that while there are those who would willingly consent to sacrifice in order to eliminate poverty that it necessitates the collective to sacrifice in order to eliminate poverty. And in order to achieve this they recognize the need to use the means of force. And once this is considered as an acceptable means then liberty and freedom no longer can be seen as being synonymous concepts. This is their understanding of any problem of society.”

I just nodded as I thought then asked, “grandpa, do you think that any liberal would deny the above statements?”

Grandpa just looked at me in a surprised manner and said, “I would hope so, boy, I truly do. For the man who does not is a man who would deny another man of the gift of free will.”

Categories: Ethics and Morality, Politics, Science | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

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